Progressive TLC 2014 global project: “Can LOVE last?” is a anecdotal global research (in USA, eastern and western Europe) with couples and individuals who have experienced enduring and resilient LOVE in the midst of all life’s ups and downs. Be it the decision to stay together, separate or divorce, Can LOVE still last beyond all? And if so, what are the essential ingredients in experiencing a lasting LOVE. This research will assist me in learning and teaching a global wisdom and practice in common humanity, related to the shaping forces of pain and love in the evolution of human species. This work is especially important at the current digital world where change is the rapid and ever present constance in our daily lives.
person 1 : “What makes you think that I am not listening. Do you want me to repeat what I heard”?
person 2: “Not really. I KNOW you are not listening even if you repeat what I said”!
person 1: “I give up”!
Real listening leaves a sense of being heard! Real listening involves knowing what is important for the speaker at that moment. A listener listens for the feelings and needs and thoughts expressed without any interference of any kind. Unless invited by the speaker.
When you listen; Are you really listening to the other person or are you immediately directing the conversation back to yourself to tell them your opinion, stories, feelings and needs?
Are you really listening or are you judging what the other person as good idea/bad idea?
Are you really listening or are you jumping in to fix, analyze, philosophize, psychologize, spiritualize, or bull-shitifize what you are hearing?
Are you really listening to the other person without inserting yourself into what is said?
For most people, the art of listening is a lost art. Let’s face it. It is true!
YET, the need to being heard is the secret to the continuation of any relationship.
When we study the impact of our cultural language (Farsi or English, French or German, Arabic, Japanese, etc.), we clearly see the positive and the negative impact of language on the way we think and relate to self and others. My fascination and focus is primarily on this topic because of the enormity of its impact on individuals, humanity and the state of the world!
Lera Boroditsky, a stanford psychology professor and an expert in linguistic cultural connections, notes that in English, we’ll often say that someone broke a vase even if it was an accident, but Spanish and Japanese speakers tend to say that the vase broke itself. Boroditsky describes a study by her student Caitlin Fausey in which English speakers were much more likely to remember who accidentally popped balloons, broke eggs, or spilled drinks in a video than Spanish or Japanese speakers. (Guilt alert!) Not only that, but there’s a correlation between a focus on agents in English and our criminal-justice bent toward punishing transgressors rather than restituting victims, Boroditsky argues.
The impact of language and thought is much greater than we have ever imagined! Language and thought are in fact revolutionary tools of humanity. The funnest part of this is an direct experience that with guided practice we all can change our language and thought and experience a drastic positive impact on quality of day to day life.
We have been educated for thousands of years to think and speak and act in ways that creates divisions between us (and them)!
All human beings deeply desire connection, beauty, flow, gentleness, peace, and harmony, collaboration, creativity, growth, understanding, and coherence in the world. We all do.
Yet, in our own mind, we struggle to have the skills to create them even for ourselves. We continue to think, speak and do the same things expecting a different outcome.
If we were to have a better world, doesn’t it make perfect logical and intuitive sense to change the internal landscape of our own mind, first and foremost?
You may say I am a dreamer…. but I am not. I am also a believer in the power of human mind and that a different kind of thinking, speaking and acting indeed does make a big impact inside and all around us. We change. The world changes with us.
One mind at a time.